You don't, in your original they/them example -- Christians who celebrate Christmas, presumably -- identify 'them' by name later on in your various lists of possible they/thems. As a Christian who -- happily, joyfully, hopefully -- celebrates Christmas, I don't really understand the offense that people take with either word. I mean, I get that the Evangelical right gives Christians a bad name, but why should they get to rule the day? They don't rule my day.
Hi Sheela.....I began the piece, as I often do, with a little story that got me thinking about they/them..ing. My posture, and maybe this was unclear, was that this person (not me) was Othering Christmas which is something that comes up in the Jewish world. I would venture that this is because the discomfort was passed down from people who felt excluded from what is essentially a national holiday. I appreciate the need to distance oneself from, for example, evangelicals, the way progressive Jews need to distance themselves from people who are pro-Israel. Very complicated stuff. For myself, I've been married to an Italian lapsed Catholic for 43 years. He introduced me to the Feast of the Seven Fishes which brings us both great joy.
Oy! Your comment about language which should connect people rather than separating them is so profound. It reminds me of the old meme about the US and Great Britain. "Two countries divided by a common language."
The fences erected around language have been very damaging, in my opinion. We need to water the space between us so there is less likelihood of brush fires. Everything is so heated now.
No Susie. You are not crazy. Like you, I realize that by lifting everyone up, I am lifting myself up too. The legend is that when Henry Ford decided how much he was going to pay his factory workers, he realized he needed to pay them enough that they could afford the automobiles that he would make a profit off of, and thus enrich him.
When I owned my own business, I realized the same thing, and did my best, sometimes at my own expense, to make my best and loyal employees realize they could live a good life working for me. Our country has moved far from these principles. We have become so focused on our own enrichment, how the quality and number of our "toys" stack up against everyone else's, that we seem to overlook the axiom of a rising tide lifting all ships.
I am an atheist, recovering Catholic. What confounds me is the rising dominance of religion in politics and legislation, yet a lack of focus by these individuals in shaping a society where fairness of opportunity is dominant. Too many Americans have clearly lost their way.
Thank you for this thoughtful response, Richard. If the Gospels and the Torah and the Buddhist sutras were read as intended, religion would not be a problem in economics or social arrangements. We would not be spending so much time trying to squeeze camels into the eyes of needles. But our holy books have been highjacked in the name of profit so that school children in Texas will be taught Bible lessons while at home their parents don't have enough to make dinner for them.
Thank you, Thalia. I can't see any other way. The deep situation isn't about him and his friends. It's about Americans and whether we can speak to one another.
I’m living in a bubble, where my friends, my relatives, my church family—virtually everyone I know—was appalled at the outcome of the recent election. Happily, political disagreements won’t spoil our Thanksgiving gathering.
Susie, thank you so much for your thoughtful and eloquent words. Many of us feel this deeply right along with you. I appreciate that I’m not an island even when it feels like I am.
Your questions are such good ones, and surely are the first step to whatever is next in terms of coming to terms with the reality of what so many of us did not want. I love the metaphor of the worms doing what worms do. Art, writing, theatre, music, nature and of course friends emerge for me as things to grapple to my soul with hoops of steel in this uncertainty. Thanks for your insight and push to understand. You help those of us who are less articulate to do the same.
A blessing to hear from you, Mary Sue. The worm part gives me great pleasure. It reminds me that so much is going on all the time that we're unaware of and that may be nurturing.
Dear Susie, yes, we’uns are the task of the eternal moment right here and now! As a woman educated in NY state and as a firmer teacher, yes, the lack is appallingly sad. Must be time to build a new paradigm.
Strangely the images in my heart of what I saw last night gives me a startling framework for response.
The local dry weather, deep leaf litter, standing
forest and whatever human action ignited them are now being called the Butternut Fire. (See WAMC writeup online from yesterday. ) People and property are safe but my heart aches for the trees and wildlife.
I first heard about it last evening. since it’s nearby I went out to get a visual. From the rte 23 vantage point just above the ski area entrance a line of fire outlined the crest of East Mountain. I’d heard it was visible in GB too so I drove to the Big Y parking lot. More fire. Near there the tornado scoured the spot on the mountain inn’95. After tears and shaking (and the prayer to the Creator of the Universe called shamanic drumming) and a good night’s sleep, I realized this:
The fire’s on both sides of the mountain. The earthy barrier is irrelevant. For me that’s a clear image of where you’re wrestling. There’s no room or space/time in you for “us/them” to be a place to stake a claim.
So I guess that whatever the differences of the moment are - and there always are - the only way out is in and through. ‘First there is a mountain then there is no mountain then there is’ and we straddle the void with a moment of silence deeper than understanding it. And invest in a bit of walking meditation!
Anyhow that’s what this morning brings me. Lots if love to you and all of us.
I will hold this dear...."The fire's on both sides of the mountain." There's so much noise that sometimes I need to reduce it to a few powerful words and you've done that for me. Love to you for that and for everything.
I often weep when I read your blogs and this one did it too. I don't have to deal with it in my family but it would be so deeply difficult if I did. Thank you for spelling out the depth of the dilemna so profoudly.
I had no idea I'd be called to this. I thought it was something that happened to other people. But lo and behold, the front lines have inched up to my nose and I have to learn how to breathe in a whole new way.
Hi Susie, I am always in awe at your incredible gift of words but even more how you are able to use them so skillfully to get your point across. You don’t need a megaphone at all. You just need you ……and that you have. I voted for “them” also, but I stand with you in wanting the best for all. God bless you.
Susie, I share your difficulty and I'm trying to consider that the difference between those who voted for Trump and Project 25 are ignorant due to (the invasion of) Russian disinformation+Silicon Valley influence+late stage capitalism (which in America includes the idea that we should have what we want and be comfortable all the time--the customer always being right turning out to be damaging) and those whose values really are an anathema to me (your body, my choice). It's impossible much of the time for me to deduce which it is, and so for now I'm in retreat from neighbors and some extended family while advancing where I might lend my time and energy for sloppy, slow, and far too feebly supported change...Thank you for always writing so beautifully and with such nuance about life.
Thank you, Zoe. I'm struggling with the idea that the voting public is ignorant. On the one hand, I believe Americans are woefully undereducated and infatuated with the idea that it doesn't require any special expertise to run a government. On the other hand, I fear that this belief of mine shrouds me in ignorance as to the real differences between how I engage with the world and how a great many others go about living their lives. I have always secretly believed that some truths were self-evident but I'm having my doubts. Disinformation is a core issue.
I watched a short interview with AOC on the subject of a lot of people in her district voting for both Trump and her. She asked voters for feedback as to why they did that and got some revealing responses. She said that people who are working 2 -3 jobs to make ends meet, some with a "baby on the hip", don't have time to sit with a cup of coffee and read a newspaper. When Trump speaks, he says "I care about YOU" and it doesn't matter whether he's lying, "I care about YOU" is a second person address and it's what gets heard. She said Democrats don't use second person address, much. Democrats talk in "big tent" terms and the messaging doesn't get through.
You don't, in your original they/them example -- Christians who celebrate Christmas, presumably -- identify 'them' by name later on in your various lists of possible they/thems. As a Christian who -- happily, joyfully, hopefully -- celebrates Christmas, I don't really understand the offense that people take with either word. I mean, I get that the Evangelical right gives Christians a bad name, but why should they get to rule the day? They don't rule my day.
Hi Sheela.....I began the piece, as I often do, with a little story that got me thinking about they/them..ing. My posture, and maybe this was unclear, was that this person (not me) was Othering Christmas which is something that comes up in the Jewish world. I would venture that this is because the discomfort was passed down from people who felt excluded from what is essentially a national holiday. I appreciate the need to distance oneself from, for example, evangelicals, the way progressive Jews need to distance themselves from people who are pro-Israel. Very complicated stuff. For myself, I've been married to an Italian lapsed Catholic for 43 years. He introduced me to the Feast of the Seven Fishes which brings us both great joy.
Oy! Your comment about language which should connect people rather than separating them is so profound. It reminds me of the old meme about the US and Great Britain. "Two countries divided by a common language."
The fences erected around language have been very damaging, in my opinion. We need to water the space between us so there is less likelihood of brush fires. Everything is so heated now.
You articulated my state of mind perfectly. Same conundrum. Same questioning. Sigh.
Tremendously challenging but an opportunity to learn something, don't you think?
No Susie. You are not crazy. Like you, I realize that by lifting everyone up, I am lifting myself up too. The legend is that when Henry Ford decided how much he was going to pay his factory workers, he realized he needed to pay them enough that they could afford the automobiles that he would make a profit off of, and thus enrich him.
When I owned my own business, I realized the same thing, and did my best, sometimes at my own expense, to make my best and loyal employees realize they could live a good life working for me. Our country has moved far from these principles. We have become so focused on our own enrichment, how the quality and number of our "toys" stack up against everyone else's, that we seem to overlook the axiom of a rising tide lifting all ships.
I am an atheist, recovering Catholic. What confounds me is the rising dominance of religion in politics and legislation, yet a lack of focus by these individuals in shaping a society where fairness of opportunity is dominant. Too many Americans have clearly lost their way.
Thank you for this thoughtful response, Richard. If the Gospels and the Torah and the Buddhist sutras were read as intended, religion would not be a problem in economics or social arrangements. We would not be spending so much time trying to squeeze camels into the eyes of needles. But our holy books have been highjacked in the name of profit so that school children in Texas will be taught Bible lessons while at home their parents don't have enough to make dinner for them.
I know this is ironic, but here goes: Amen. You have assessed our collective problem perfectly.
Susie- This is such a balanced and thoughtful way of describing the situation. Something I think is becoming quite rare these days.
Thank you, Thalia. I can't see any other way. The deep situation isn't about him and his friends. It's about Americans and whether we can speak to one another.
painfully beautiful
Those two words seem to be deeply connected.
I’m living in a bubble, where my friends, my relatives, my church family—virtually everyone I know—was appalled at the outcome of the recent election. Happily, political disagreements won’t spoil our Thanksgiving gathering.
That certainly makes for an easier day on Thanksgiving. I wonder if you feel distanced from so much of the population outside of the bubble?
Susie, thank you so much for your thoughtful and eloquent words. Many of us feel this deeply right along with you. I appreciate that I’m not an island even when it feels like I am.
Thanks so much, Renee. It feels like these challenges are new and need a lot of heads and hearts to join together for support.
I especially love your generosity in receiving your family's views, and the reminder to us that we are, after all, ONE.
We can only keep trying. Right now the splintering is ferocious.
Your questions are such good ones, and surely are the first step to whatever is next in terms of coming to terms with the reality of what so many of us did not want. I love the metaphor of the worms doing what worms do. Art, writing, theatre, music, nature and of course friends emerge for me as things to grapple to my soul with hoops of steel in this uncertainty. Thanks for your insight and push to understand. You help those of us who are less articulate to do the same.
A blessing to hear from you, Mary Sue. The worm part gives me great pleasure. It reminds me that so much is going on all the time that we're unaware of and that may be nurturing.
"they/them" - as you describe it, the ultimate in othering.
It has gone too far, don't you think Ellen?
Dear Susie, yes, we’uns are the task of the eternal moment right here and now! As a woman educated in NY state and as a firmer teacher, yes, the lack is appallingly sad. Must be time to build a new paradigm.
Strangely the images in my heart of what I saw last night gives me a startling framework for response.
The local dry weather, deep leaf litter, standing
forest and whatever human action ignited them are now being called the Butternut Fire. (See WAMC writeup online from yesterday. ) People and property are safe but my heart aches for the trees and wildlife.
I first heard about it last evening. since it’s nearby I went out to get a visual. From the rte 23 vantage point just above the ski area entrance a line of fire outlined the crest of East Mountain. I’d heard it was visible in GB too so I drove to the Big Y parking lot. More fire. Near there the tornado scoured the spot on the mountain inn’95. After tears and shaking (and the prayer to the Creator of the Universe called shamanic drumming) and a good night’s sleep, I realized this:
The fire’s on both sides of the mountain. The earthy barrier is irrelevant. For me that’s a clear image of where you’re wrestling. There’s no room or space/time in you for “us/them” to be a place to stake a claim.
So I guess that whatever the differences of the moment are - and there always are - the only way out is in and through. ‘First there is a mountain then there is no mountain then there is’ and we straddle the void with a moment of silence deeper than understanding it. And invest in a bit of walking meditation!
Anyhow that’s what this morning brings me. Lots if love to you and all of us.
I will hold this dear...."The fire's on both sides of the mountain." There's so much noise that sometimes I need to reduce it to a few powerful words and you've done that for me. Love to you for that and for everything.
I often weep when I read your blogs and this one did it too. I don't have to deal with it in my family but it would be so deeply difficult if I did. Thank you for spelling out the depth of the dilemna so profoudly.
I had no idea I'd be called to this. I thought it was something that happened to other people. But lo and behold, the front lines have inched up to my nose and I have to learn how to breathe in a whole new way.
Hi Susie, I am always in awe at your incredible gift of words but even more how you are able to use them so skillfully to get your point across. You don’t need a megaphone at all. You just need you ……and that you have. I voted for “them” also, but I stand with you in wanting the best for all. God bless you.
I really appreciate this connection, Patty. I envision a web of love that will keep our heads above water.
Once again your words articulate my internal challenges. Thank you!
Wonderful to hear from you, Signe. I think of you often.
Susie, I share your difficulty and I'm trying to consider that the difference between those who voted for Trump and Project 25 are ignorant due to (the invasion of) Russian disinformation+Silicon Valley influence+late stage capitalism (which in America includes the idea that we should have what we want and be comfortable all the time--the customer always being right turning out to be damaging) and those whose values really are an anathema to me (your body, my choice). It's impossible much of the time for me to deduce which it is, and so for now I'm in retreat from neighbors and some extended family while advancing where I might lend my time and energy for sloppy, slow, and far too feebly supported change...Thank you for always writing so beautifully and with such nuance about life.
Thank you, Zoe. I'm struggling with the idea that the voting public is ignorant. On the one hand, I believe Americans are woefully undereducated and infatuated with the idea that it doesn't require any special expertise to run a government. On the other hand, I fear that this belief of mine shrouds me in ignorance as to the real differences between how I engage with the world and how a great many others go about living their lives. I have always secretly believed that some truths were self-evident but I'm having my doubts. Disinformation is a core issue.
I watched a short interview with AOC on the subject of a lot of people in her district voting for both Trump and her. She asked voters for feedback as to why they did that and got some revealing responses. She said that people who are working 2 -3 jobs to make ends meet, some with a "baby on the hip", don't have time to sit with a cup of coffee and read a newspaper. When Trump speaks, he says "I care about YOU" and it doesn't matter whether he's lying, "I care about YOU" is a second person address and it's what gets heard. She said Democrats don't use second person address, much. Democrats talk in "big tent" terms and the messaging doesn't get through.