I am a person in deep grief after losing my husband 5 months ago. The biggest comfort I experience is when people listen, hear my sobs, hold me if they are near (a lot of my sobs are on “grief calls”)… simply serve as a witness to my pain - as you put it, provide presence. The quiet presence of another human to my grief can feel like a lifeline when I am drowning. Thank you.
Thank you for writing, Liv. I hope not a day goes by without such prayerful witness. I hope it comes from many different directions and cushions the harshness of your grief.
Susie, this is just beautiful. Thank you. I feel like this was a prayer you're saying for all of us. And this, "Now I see that to be prayerful must mean to quiet down so that this organic connection between me and other beings, between me and my friend, moves up to the foreground of consciousness, leaving all the noise and anguish of separation behind. Separation is loud, chaotic, grasping, sometimes violent."
and this, "It’s much more prayerful to hold someone who is in pain in loving silence than to offer half-baked advice or recite traditional formulas that neither of you lives inside of. " yes yes yes.
Jocelyn.....It feels, sadly, like a time of widespread anguish that really calls for a reset. Sometimes, we get stuck in the language...prayer, God, faith...and we think it's foreign and inapplicable. But we all want to be heard and comforted and cared for, irrespective of politics.
It seems to me that in the presence you brought as a chaplain, the person could hear themselves, and the Holy, if they were that way inclined, and that seems rather essential to me. I learned once that some very observant Jews considered prayer as energy, and I liked this framing. I love this writing.
Daryl.....Thank you for being willing to engage in honest discussion about prayer. I read just recently that what matters is the origin of the prayer in the heart, not the destination of the prayer.
Thanks, Sue. And I'm learning that prayer can take many forms. A text exchange with the person I referred to in this piece can be about the World Series, for example, because when we share that conversation she knows I'm with her.
I often wonder about that. If people are drawn to one another does that mean they were exposed to the same basic personnel as children? I didn't really describe my father, but another friend who commented seemed to have had the same dynamic between her parents. The only difference was that her mother was irritable and impatient and mine was not. I thought about what word or phrase I would use to describe my mother and settled on "self-involved." Does that ring true?
What came up for me as well was an awareness of the violence associated with birth. I wonder how much of that is biological and how much is cultural, as in, pain isn’t optional but suffering is optional. How much less violent to live in a way that’s open to, and open to teaching, how to live with necessary pain rather than clamp down on it with resistance. No pie in the sky here. Living with necessary pain often includes living with necessary medication…
I could muse on but like you and everyone else, I have a day ahead… Thanks for the moments of reading and musing.
I am indebted to you for this direction that I had not thought of at all. And a great many people cannot tolerate necessary pain. There should not be a judgment associated with that but I believe it would be useful to acknowledge that people have varying capacities.
I really appreciate your telling me that. I feel it so viscerally...trying to hold the entirety of the tragedy and the catastrophe that has resulted for Palestinians and for Jews who let it in. The people in the Jewish community who allow themselves to feel it are traumatized.
Good time to try it, don't you think?
We may not understand how prayer helps but we can trust that it does.
That seems to be true, Paula. It's validated by experience.
I am a person in deep grief after losing my husband 5 months ago. The biggest comfort I experience is when people listen, hear my sobs, hold me if they are near (a lot of my sobs are on “grief calls”)… simply serve as a witness to my pain - as you put it, provide presence. The quiet presence of another human to my grief can feel like a lifeline when I am drowning. Thank you.
Thank you for writing, Liv. I hope not a day goes by without such prayerful witness. I hope it comes from many different directions and cushions the harshness of your grief.
Susie, this is just beautiful. Thank you. I feel like this was a prayer you're saying for all of us. And this, "Now I see that to be prayerful must mean to quiet down so that this organic connection between me and other beings, between me and my friend, moves up to the foreground of consciousness, leaving all the noise and anguish of separation behind. Separation is loud, chaotic, grasping, sometimes violent."
and this, "It’s much more prayerful to hold someone who is in pain in loving silence than to offer half-baked advice or recite traditional formulas that neither of you lives inside of. " yes yes yes.
Thank you for all of this today. xo
Jocelyn.....It feels, sadly, like a time of widespread anguish that really calls for a reset. Sometimes, we get stuck in the language...prayer, God, faith...and we think it's foreign and inapplicable. But we all want to be heard and comforted and cared for, irrespective of politics.
It seems to me that in the presence you brought as a chaplain, the person could hear themselves, and the Holy, if they were that way inclined, and that seems rather essential to me. I learned once that some very observant Jews considered prayer as energy, and I liked this framing. I love this writing.
I agree that energy is a very helpful way to understand prayer. It changes how the belly feels, how the eyes see.
Another beauty, Susie, and so perfectly expressed. It softened my day to read your words.
Softened seems like just the right state. So much is angular and plastic. I feel like I want to curl up with a kitten.
This, "it softened my day." me too!
Susie enjoyed your pray discussion. Honest discussion about pray is always good for the heart.
Thank you for your thoughts on this subject, rarely do I agree on this subject, but I work at believing in God and not church.
Daryl.....Thank you for being willing to engage in honest discussion about prayer. I read just recently that what matters is the origin of the prayer in the heart, not the destination of the prayer.
Loved this, Susie.
I do think prayer is powerful when we hold another in our hearts with healing presence.
I also know it's possible to find stillness and connection even in a noisy synagogue, particularly--for me--if I'm standing grounded with closed eyes.
You touch a lot of people as you share your journey. Thank you.
Thanks, Sue. And I'm learning that prayer can take many forms. A text exchange with the person I referred to in this piece can be about the World Series, for example, because when we share that conversation she knows I'm with her.
As always or almost always, I agree with and am moved by every thought in your post. I think, by the way, you had my mother! Thank you.
I often wonder about that. If people are drawn to one another does that mean they were exposed to the same basic personnel as children? I didn't really describe my father, but another friend who commented seemed to have had the same dynamic between her parents. The only difference was that her mother was irritable and impatient and mine was not. I thought about what word or phrase I would use to describe my mother and settled on "self-involved." Does that ring true?
And I’m indebted to you for the varying capacities reminder. ✅
Yes, Susie. Yet again. What else is there?
What came up for me as well was an awareness of the violence associated with birth. I wonder how much of that is biological and how much is cultural, as in, pain isn’t optional but suffering is optional. How much less violent to live in a way that’s open to, and open to teaching, how to live with necessary pain rather than clamp down on it with resistance. No pie in the sky here. Living with necessary pain often includes living with necessary medication…
I could muse on but like you and everyone else, I have a day ahead… Thanks for the moments of reading and musing.
I am indebted to you for this direction that I had not thought of at all. And a great many people cannot tolerate necessary pain. There should not be a judgment associated with that but I believe it would be useful to acknowledge that people have varying capacities.
Exactly how Hal feels about Gaza: “this is me assaulting me.” Thank you for putting it into words. And thank you for this essay.
I really appreciate your telling me that. I feel it so viscerally...trying to hold the entirety of the tragedy and the catastrophe that has resulted for Palestinians and for Jews who let it in. The people in the Jewish community who allow themselves to feel it are traumatized.
Traumatized—yes. So impossible to imagine an end.
Thank you.
I find your solution very convincing.