I meant to read this and comment... and suddenly it's June! I've been wondering about joy and happiness. What is it? Why do I not feel it as often as I think I should? Yes, I've had joyful "moments" but it's not a state I live in. If I were at that renewal service, I would have been alone, next to you. Someone once told me that "a mother is only as happy as her least miserable child." and there is some truth in that. Or is it only true for Jewish mothers? Thank you for expressing what has been on my mind. I guess I'll hang out with you on the fence, in the NOW, and leave joy to find me.
Maybe part of our problem is that we think we "should" experience joy, thereby adding another level of distress. I like the way your comment ends...."leave joy to find me."
Off point perhaps but I note with loving irony the meaning of your life partner's name. I do think joy needs a broader definition. It need not be the secular Xmas saccharin strobe lighty forced ebullience with which our culture tightly aligns it. Joy can be understated and quiet. Noticing can be joyful. And joy can coexist with stress and fear and pain, thank goodness, because the latter are non negotiable in life for me joyful appreciation of glimmers of beauty are the countertpoint that keeps us from capsizing. I do associate awed appreciation with you, Susie, and I believe that is as valid a definition of joy/joie de vivre as any.
Thank you for "noticing can be joyful." And also for underscoring the co-existence of joy with stress and fear and pain. That seems to be the primary take-away of this exchange. Like most things...it's not either/or. It's both/and. We are all learning this now after growing up hallmarked.
Finally someone is calling out this whole "Joy" thing! So good and affirming to read what you are feeling and thinking here. I so agree. Your title is perfect - that's the only place to be.
As always, Susie......amazing writing! I am in a different place with joy. I have it and have birthed it through the darkest, most tumultuous “dark night of the soul”. The trial cut deep for me and took me to the bottom.......St. Teresa of Avila says......”one never knows how pitch the black can be”. I have been there. Can you imagine my joy upon emerging into the Light with a heart that, although wounded, has been expanded, stretched into a Love I did not know was possible during devastating loss. Joy is a miracle and we can have it alongside sorrow, confusion, and deep sadness. It is a mystery and a paradox I do not question anymore......but choose MOST days to ride on its wing. I believe that the deeper we are tried the greater is the possibility for joy/Love💔🕊🌹
Patty....This such a helpful response. I don't doubt the possibility and the efficacy of joy. I've just been struggling with the generalized demand that I feel it all the time. I'm very taken with your statement that joy is a miracle, a mystery, and a paradox and that we can have it alongside sorrow, confusion, and deep sadness. That perspective allows me to feel what I feel, but not in an imprisoned way. Wonderful.
Susie, you put your finger on precisely where I am right now.
We all have to help one another, Don....And being real with what we feel is at the core of that.
I meant to read this and comment... and suddenly it's June! I've been wondering about joy and happiness. What is it? Why do I not feel it as often as I think I should? Yes, I've had joyful "moments" but it's not a state I live in. If I were at that renewal service, I would have been alone, next to you. Someone once told me that "a mother is only as happy as her least miserable child." and there is some truth in that. Or is it only true for Jewish mothers? Thank you for expressing what has been on my mind. I guess I'll hang out with you on the fence, in the NOW, and leave joy to find me.
Maybe part of our problem is that we think we "should" experience joy, thereby adding another level of distress. I like the way your comment ends...."leave joy to find me."
I tell my clients all the time, "Don't should on yourself!" Time to take my own advice! xo
Off point perhaps but I note with loving irony the meaning of your life partner's name. I do think joy needs a broader definition. It need not be the secular Xmas saccharin strobe lighty forced ebullience with which our culture tightly aligns it. Joy can be understated and quiet. Noticing can be joyful. And joy can coexist with stress and fear and pain, thank goodness, because the latter are non negotiable in life for me joyful appreciation of glimmers of beauty are the countertpoint that keeps us from capsizing. I do associate awed appreciation with you, Susie, and I believe that is as valid a definition of joy/joie de vivre as any.
Thank you for "noticing can be joyful." And also for underscoring the co-existence of joy with stress and fear and pain. That seems to be the primary take-away of this exchange. Like most things...it's not either/or. It's both/and. We are all learning this now after growing up hallmarked.
Finally someone is calling out this whole "Joy" thing! So good and affirming to read what you are feeling and thinking here. I so agree. Your title is perfect - that's the only place to be.
Yes...and some Nows really are joyful. I'm just affronted by all orthodoxies.
As always, Susie......amazing writing! I am in a different place with joy. I have it and have birthed it through the darkest, most tumultuous “dark night of the soul”. The trial cut deep for me and took me to the bottom.......St. Teresa of Avila says......”one never knows how pitch the black can be”. I have been there. Can you imagine my joy upon emerging into the Light with a heart that, although wounded, has been expanded, stretched into a Love I did not know was possible during devastating loss. Joy is a miracle and we can have it alongside sorrow, confusion, and deep sadness. It is a mystery and a paradox I do not question anymore......but choose MOST days to ride on its wing. I believe that the deeper we are tried the greater is the possibility for joy/Love💔🕊🌹
Patty....This such a helpful response. I don't doubt the possibility and the efficacy of joy. I've just been struggling with the generalized demand that I feel it all the time. I'm very taken with your statement that joy is a miracle, a mystery, and a paradox and that we can have it alongside sorrow, confusion, and deep sadness. That perspective allows me to feel what I feel, but not in an imprisoned way. Wonderful.
Thanks, Susie!