Community is a much overused word. It comes in many flavors…ethnic communities, spiritual communities, neighborhoods, art collectives, communities of resistance. Still, I believe we can all agree that the last two years have underscored the importance of connecting. Life is difficult and that much more so when we try to go it alone.
What communities are sustaining you?
How do you stay connected to your particular communities?
Are you a joiner by nature, or has it been a leap of faith for you to participate in the common life?
Copies of my 2019 essay collection, Twilight Time: Aging in Amazement, are available directly from me (signed) or from Amazon or your local bookseller.
Very intrigued by your use of the word, gang. What does the word mean to you? Were you a gang member? I was in a gang, The Halsey Bops. It was in Brooklyn in the '50s and as a young teenager it made me feel like I was part of something. A connection like family. Which I no longer had because my father had other avenues he chose to pursue. I still feel deeply for my guys. They helped get me through a very difficult period in my young life.
Hi Frank, I hail from the same neighborhood (Central Ave. between Decater and Cooper Sts.), and I remember the Halsey Bops. I recall my uncles, who also lived in Bushwick, mentioning them. I don't recall the details of their commentary, yet reading a reference to the Halsey Bops gang, brought back a few good memories.
I will add that I don't remember the term "gang" conjuring up the same sort of unease then as it tends to do today. Is it a case of a semantic shift or a faded memory? In any event, thanks for the memory.
Hi Rosemarie...as I recall you are somewhat younger than me but who were your uncles? By the time I was 16 I had taken an older cousins advice and quit gang fighting. Then for a few years we hung out at Rocky's pool hall on Central near Cooper. It sounds like you lived on the same block. Do you remember Rocky's? Hanging out in the poolroom was like being with family. Rocky passed around shots on birthday's and holiday's. Made you feel like you were part of something. Like being with a favorite cousin or uncle.
Hi Frank, I do remember Rocky's. I lived a couple of doors down from that pool hall.
My uncles were Bob, Ed, George, Fred, Jackie, and John Neske. Extended family who also played pool at Rocky's and played on various ball teams include Jr. Warnken and Bob and Kenny Urban. All of them lived on Cooper St. between Cental and Wilson Avenues. They were a good bunch. The only two who remain are Jr. Warnken and Bob Urban.
I was several years younger than those guys but old enough to understand how special a place Bushwick was and how lucky I was to call all of those men family.
Every few years, I take a ride down into the old neighborhood. One of those trips was with Nina. We took a walk through Halsey Park. We sat on a bench and talked about what it was like to spend time in that park, what it was like to have neighbors who watched out for all of the kids, whether related to them or not, and what it was like attending a Catholic school while most of our friends went to public school. (I attended Fourteen Holy Martyrs; I loved it. Weird kid, I know.)
I remember Bushwick as a special place that taught me much about the world. Of the many things I learned, the most important was how not to reject those who differed from me. In that, my past has served me well to this day. For that, I am most grateful.
NOTE: Now, here's a little side tidbit. In 2000, I went on an East River cruise that the FDNY puts on every year. On that cruise, I met and began to date a member of FDNY Squad 252. Squad 252 works out of the firehouse located on Central Avenue, half a block from the apartment building I grew up in.
Hi Frank, I absolutely understand how your gang felt like family. I think that's exactly what we're trying to articulate here. And it's the same whether your gang was a group of guys like in Grease or if they were more like West Side Story. Doesn't matter. It's being a part of something bigger, a group where you feel accepted and cared for that matters. And those bonds can last a lifetime.
There is community in the broad sense of the word: as you say, neighborhoods, and those that bind people together under a common denominator such as faith or politics or gender. Most often when I use the word, it is a substitute of sorts for family--or, at least, what we expect/ hope family to be. Community is where I feel safe, protected, loved, valuable, strong, and appreciated as an equal contributor. The Democratic Party and those who believe that healthcare, affordable food and shelter are human rights, those who believe I have sovereignty over my body and also believe that all of the earth and every living thing on it are interconnected and we therefore have a responsibility to others and to all living things - this is my community. My tribe.
Most recently I've written again about my desire to live in community. A planned community. Which is to say, I don't want to end up in a senior living center ("senior community"). I want to consciously gather about me those whom I love and who share a similar dream of living under the same roof or the same plot of land to support each other, sustain each other, celebrate each other. Not one partner to share the remaining years of my life but many friends.
It's interesting how often we now revert to the word tribe (surely an older concept than community) when speaking of commonality. I worry about that some because tribal boundaries are often impenetrable. I prefer some permeability in the lines demarking who's who...but that ship may have sailed. On your other point....so many of us who are aging are now trying to figure out next steps as far as living arrangements go. It's a major demographic project.
I agree that impenetrability is significant in the usage of tribe. And that is part of the allure. Many of us feel very alone and very vulnerable. I attribute that to modern life: things have changed so much in the last 100 years and consequently many have moved away from families, roots, traditions. Seduced by money and titles and shiny things. Or intimidated by technology, science, and inclusiveness. Feeling like you’ve found your tribe feels safe: you are no longer alone as an outsider, you are part of something bigger and you are protected. I suppose in this respect, we could also substitute the word gang. The challenge is to not prescribe values to words or impose our own judgements. Nothing is either/or, all is both/and. Family/tribe/gang can be wonderful, welcoming, and protective, it can also be impenetrable, discriminatory, restricting. Yes? We always sacrifice something for the gain of something else.
My husband had a street gang life growing up in Brooklyn and to this day feels an allegiance to these guys (in memory) that I have never felt about anyone that I'm not related to. Having each other's backs was what it was all about. Absolute, unquestioning loyalty. I'm moved by your writing about vulnerability and I greatly appreciate your emphasis on both/and, but I wonder if that can't be expanded so that we have both tribe and not-tribe. This, by the way, is a core struggle for Jews in modern life.
Very intrigued by your use of the word, gang. What does the word mean to you? Were you a gang member? I was in a gang, The Halsey Bops. It was in Brooklyn in the '50s and as a young teenager it made me feel like I was part of something. A connection like family. Which I no longer had because my father had other avenues he chose to pursue. I still feel deeply for my guys. They helped get me through a very difficult period in my young life.
Hi Frank, I hail from the same neighborhood (Central Ave. between Decater and Cooper Sts.), and I remember the Halsey Bops. I recall my uncles, who also lived in Bushwick, mentioning them. I don't recall the details of their commentary, yet reading a reference to the Halsey Bops gang, brought back a few good memories.
I will add that I don't remember the term "gang" conjuring up the same sort of unease then as it tends to do today. Is it a case of a semantic shift or a faded memory? In any event, thanks for the memory.
Hi Rosemarie...as I recall you are somewhat younger than me but who were your uncles? By the time I was 16 I had taken an older cousins advice and quit gang fighting. Then for a few years we hung out at Rocky's pool hall on Central near Cooper. It sounds like you lived on the same block. Do you remember Rocky's? Hanging out in the poolroom was like being with family. Rocky passed around shots on birthday's and holiday's. Made you feel like you were part of something. Like being with a favorite cousin or uncle.
Hi Frank, I do remember Rocky's. I lived a couple of doors down from that pool hall.
My uncles were Bob, Ed, George, Fred, Jackie, and John Neske. Extended family who also played pool at Rocky's and played on various ball teams include Jr. Warnken and Bob and Kenny Urban. All of them lived on Cooper St. between Cental and Wilson Avenues. They were a good bunch. The only two who remain are Jr. Warnken and Bob Urban.
I was several years younger than those guys but old enough to understand how special a place Bushwick was and how lucky I was to call all of those men family.
Every few years, I take a ride down into the old neighborhood. One of those trips was with Nina. We took a walk through Halsey Park. We sat on a bench and talked about what it was like to spend time in that park, what it was like to have neighbors who watched out for all of the kids, whether related to them or not, and what it was like attending a Catholic school while most of our friends went to public school. (I attended Fourteen Holy Martyrs; I loved it. Weird kid, I know.)
I remember Bushwick as a special place that taught me much about the world. Of the many things I learned, the most important was how not to reject those who differed from me. In that, my past has served me well to this day. For that, I am most grateful.
NOTE: Now, here's a little side tidbit. In 2000, I went on an East River cruise that the FDNY puts on every year. On that cruise, I met and began to date a member of FDNY Squad 252. Squad 252 works out of the firehouse located on Central Avenue, half a block from the apartment building I grew up in.
Hi Frank, I absolutely understand how your gang felt like family. I think that's exactly what we're trying to articulate here. And it's the same whether your gang was a group of guys like in Grease or if they were more like West Side Story. Doesn't matter. It's being a part of something bigger, a group where you feel accepted and cared for that matters. And those bonds can last a lifetime.
There is community in the broad sense of the word: as you say, neighborhoods, and those that bind people together under a common denominator such as faith or politics or gender. Most often when I use the word, it is a substitute of sorts for family--or, at least, what we expect/ hope family to be. Community is where I feel safe, protected, loved, valuable, strong, and appreciated as an equal contributor. The Democratic Party and those who believe that healthcare, affordable food and shelter are human rights, those who believe I have sovereignty over my body and also believe that all of the earth and every living thing on it are interconnected and we therefore have a responsibility to others and to all living things - this is my community. My tribe.
Most recently I've written again about my desire to live in community. A planned community. Which is to say, I don't want to end up in a senior living center ("senior community"). I want to consciously gather about me those whom I love and who share a similar dream of living under the same roof or the same plot of land to support each other, sustain each other, celebrate each other. Not one partner to share the remaining years of my life but many friends.
This is what community means to me.
It's interesting how often we now revert to the word tribe (surely an older concept than community) when speaking of commonality. I worry about that some because tribal boundaries are often impenetrable. I prefer some permeability in the lines demarking who's who...but that ship may have sailed. On your other point....so many of us who are aging are now trying to figure out next steps as far as living arrangements go. It's a major demographic project.
I agree that impenetrability is significant in the usage of tribe. And that is part of the allure. Many of us feel very alone and very vulnerable. I attribute that to modern life: things have changed so much in the last 100 years and consequently many have moved away from families, roots, traditions. Seduced by money and titles and shiny things. Or intimidated by technology, science, and inclusiveness. Feeling like you’ve found your tribe feels safe: you are no longer alone as an outsider, you are part of something bigger and you are protected. I suppose in this respect, we could also substitute the word gang. The challenge is to not prescribe values to words or impose our own judgements. Nothing is either/or, all is both/and. Family/tribe/gang can be wonderful, welcoming, and protective, it can also be impenetrable, discriminatory, restricting. Yes? We always sacrifice something for the gain of something else.
My husband had a street gang life growing up in Brooklyn and to this day feels an allegiance to these guys (in memory) that I have never felt about anyone that I'm not related to. Having each other's backs was what it was all about. Absolute, unquestioning loyalty. I'm moved by your writing about vulnerability and I greatly appreciate your emphasis on both/and, but I wonder if that can't be expanded so that we have both tribe and not-tribe. This, by the way, is a core struggle for Jews in modern life.
Jan, please see my response yo you above.