I am packing up to move from a place I’ve lived for fifty years. It’s hard. There’s so much real and metaphorical heavy lifting and so much letting go. What is your experience and/or advice about moving?
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Moving.?...UGH! Having a new reality? ..Always good! I mean really...it's only stuff and there's an over abundance of stuff on planet earth. The most organized and easiest move I ever made...took one room at a time and got rid of absolutely everything I didn't need in that room...then my friends came over and packed up a room at a time, labelling everything, ..I made us dinner, we drank some wine and the next day the men with the truck came. Voila...moved into the next chapter of my existence, with no regrets. Good luck with the whole thing, where are you headed?
Moving to two different locations. Seems crazy but we want to be with both our families and they live 1800 miles apart. Bought a condo in Minnesota near my son where we'll live in the summer and fall. In the winter and spring, we'll be in a renovated barn on Frank's son's property. Love your idea....but "need" is a loose concept. It's easy to make decisions about functional objects. It's the other stuff that tugs at the heart.
Living in a the same house for 43 years myself, it is difficult to imagine what it is like to prepare for the momentous move you are undertaking. Your decision and follow thru is so courageous in my eyes. Then again, much of your life, seems to me, a series of interesting adventures. This one, is a culmination of all that has happened before. I see that this next phase in your lives will bring you and Frank much joy and comfort. I am so looking forward to your visit before you leave the east coast.
It will be wonderful to connect with all of you. I'll have to look around and try to imagine all that has unfolded in your house over the past 43 years.
I was more struck at the different cultures, West and mid-West, you are moving to which are so different from New England. It will take some getting used to. We are thinking of leaving a S Carolina active retirement city, where we’ve lived for 7 years, to go back to Maine. My husband developed dementia several years ago. We’re looking at an apt. in a small retirement community, an hour from our daughter. I’m curious why you chose not to go to a retirement community? I’m so looking forward to having meals prepared…Good Luck!
At this point, we'd like to be in a situation where there are a range of people around us...young adults, children, and other older people like ourselves. What were your reasons for moving so far from family? Was it the warmer weather? I hope your return to Maine works out well.
Yes, it was the warmer weather. Our Maine house was old and very drafty, plus there were steps involved. The winters are nice in SC, and bike riding was appealing, but now he doesn’t leave the house unless to walk the dog with his mobile scooter.
I hope you're connected to some other people in SC so you're not alone with caregiving. It will be good to be within driving distance of your daughter back in Maine.
Just to say that this post filled me with vicarious dread. Have not moved in 46 years and assumed we never would, but now realize this may not be feasible. The very thought is paralyzing. Good luck!
Where have you been living for 46 years? It must be charming. Is the change in your understanding of where you'll be going forward about climbing stairs and so on?
Indeed. The older we get the harder it is to move! So the sooner the better is what I've said to friends just contemplating the idea. When we moved from the city to the island, we decided we weren't "downsizing" at all, just re-locating. With no big decisions on stuff, we brought a lot of it with us to be sorted out later. That took a lot of pressure off from the whole "life review" aspect of moving house. And made it easier to let go of what we didn't need for the future! Good luck on your big move!
Love the reference to "live review." No wonder it's so hard. When you're just going from one day to another in a house you've been in for years, the past recedes and comes into focus from time to time. But this is a parade of people and events just sort of rushing at me. I used to suggest to some of the people I sat with in Hospice that they see themselves floating downstream on a raft with their loved ones on either shore. Maybe I can capture the feeling of that.
At this stage in my life I am trying to keep mostly what my children would want to have. I cleaned out my father's house and more recently my mother in laws following their deaths. Two very different people but the same amount of stuff nobody needs. I don't want my children to be faced with that. We have many refugee families moving to our city. They start with nothing. I am trying to pare down and help others start again. But it is not easy. I wish you well Susie and I am full of admiration for your new adventure.
It's beautiful that you've identified a need for your "old stuff." I wonder what fills you with admiration about my slogging along. Don't quite get it, but really appreciate what you've written in support of this time in my life.
Leave plenty for the complexity of emotions that arise, and if possible, welcome them all. We have just moved, as you know, and I found myself grieving intently for about 3 months, as we readied ourselves to leave our home of 24 years. Also it is possible that for a while you will feel a "titch" of chaos and disorientation in your 2 new homes, along with your joy. You are very brave, and it is wonderful that you and Frank will be living close to your sons.
I am grateful that I can cry easily, so lots of tears, and lots of writing about leaving our home that we loved so much. And fatigue, yes. Talking a lot with Alan about the move, the unknown ahead of us. And once here, 3 months in, we are thrilled with this home. Happily.
Get rid of everything that won’t work in new places (like dark wood furniture when we moved to FL). New spaces will fill up quickly enough. It’s very liberating to let go of “things “, even books. People are harder, but there are so many ways to keep in touch now. This is easier when working against deadline. Keeps one focused. All the best wishes and enjoy the ride!
Interesting to think about styles of furniture that might or might not work. The condo we bought is much more modern than our old barn in Stockbridge. I'm sort of looking forward to that.
Do it piecemeal. Start with the big items: decide which furniture you want to keep and which pieces to donate. Be realistic about what will fit in your new home as well as what you can afford to replace. I’d do the most emotionally-provocative items such as personal gifts and souvenirs last. I just boxed all my photos and brought them with me to save time. Invite selected friends and family members to help triage the wheat from the chaff if that will work for you. My kids don’t live nearby so I wound up texting them pictures to see what they might want me to save for them. There will be pain but also joy in the process: honor the move for the milestone it is. I have never regretted anything I left behind so I know I made the right choices.
Thanks, Barbara. We're moving in about a month so we're ankle deep in sentiment. I went through a big pile of photos and found that many of the people in them - contemporaries of mine - were no longer alive.
I spent the day yesterday with family, before and after a cousin's funeral. The deceased lived a long, happy life and we spent hours recalling our disparate, often hilarious, memories of him. It was a sad-happy day but more happy than not. No one captured it better than Tennessee Williams: “Time is short and it doesn't return again. It is slipping away while I write this and while you read it, and the monosyllable of the clock is Loss, Loss, Loss, unless you devote your heart to its opposition.”
Susie! I moved eleven times before I started high school. Most of my life, I would never put up anything on the walls or feel I could really settle in because I felt I’d be moving again soon!
I’ve lived in the Berkshires now for:twenty years and it does feel more like home than anywhere else!
I’m hoping you’re not moving out of the Berkshires! Let me know. Best to you! Tara
Tara....That's such a different life experience from mine. I lived in the same NYC apartment into my 20s. I imagine your experience teaches you a lot about resilience and openness. I'm afraid we are moving away to be near our sons and grandchildren. We felt it was time. Bought a condo near my son in the Twin Cities metro for summer and fall. Will live in a converted barn on Frank's son's property in northern California in the winter and spring. Come to IWOW at Deb's on 9/6 so we can see each other!
Having moved more often than I ever would have expected, and lived in different parts of the country with different landscapes and different habits of thought, I recommend keeping as much favorite artwork as you can, especially pieces that will keep the place you're leaving close to your senses, in memory. Get rid of a lot of stuff, even books if you have a ton of them.
Excellent advice re artwork. Books are a roadblock. I thought I had gotten rid of a lot of them, but now that I'm packing, it's disheartening. Paper is also a big problem. I think this is a particular issue for our age cohort. Most of my life unfolded in analog. Once you throw it away, it's gone.
Yes, books and paper are challenging. I used to keep snail mail from friends I corresponded with - have gotten rid of most of that but kept a letter or two, here and there, just so I have a scrap of the person's handwriting. I never read those letters anymore so there was no reason to hang onto all of them. Same with books. When I had numerous books by one author or poet, I kept one or two, to keep the voice. My husband has done pretty well at weeding books too. Where we live now, there's a LIttle Free Library nearby so we continue to weed, since we still buy new books for our limited amount of shelving.
Moving.?...UGH! Having a new reality? ..Always good! I mean really...it's only stuff and there's an over abundance of stuff on planet earth. The most organized and easiest move I ever made...took one room at a time and got rid of absolutely everything I didn't need in that room...then my friends came over and packed up a room at a time, labelling everything, ..I made us dinner, we drank some wine and the next day the men with the truck came. Voila...moved into the next chapter of my existence, with no regrets. Good luck with the whole thing, where are you headed?
Moving to two different locations. Seems crazy but we want to be with both our families and they live 1800 miles apart. Bought a condo in Minnesota near my son where we'll live in the summer and fall. In the winter and spring, we'll be in a renovated barn on Frank's son's property. Love your idea....but "need" is a loose concept. It's easy to make decisions about functional objects. It's the other stuff that tugs at the heart.
Living in a the same house for 43 years myself, it is difficult to imagine what it is like to prepare for the momentous move you are undertaking. Your decision and follow thru is so courageous in my eyes. Then again, much of your life, seems to me, a series of interesting adventures. This one, is a culmination of all that has happened before. I see that this next phase in your lives will bring you and Frank much joy and comfort. I am so looking forward to your visit before you leave the east coast.
It will be wonderful to connect with all of you. I'll have to look around and try to imagine all that has unfolded in your house over the past 43 years.
I was more struck at the different cultures, West and mid-West, you are moving to which are so different from New England. It will take some getting used to. We are thinking of leaving a S Carolina active retirement city, where we’ve lived for 7 years, to go back to Maine. My husband developed dementia several years ago. We’re looking at an apt. in a small retirement community, an hour from our daughter. I’m curious why you chose not to go to a retirement community? I’m so looking forward to having meals prepared…Good Luck!
At this point, we'd like to be in a situation where there are a range of people around us...young adults, children, and other older people like ourselves. What were your reasons for moving so far from family? Was it the warmer weather? I hope your return to Maine works out well.
Yes, it was the warmer weather. Our Maine house was old and very drafty, plus there were steps involved. The winters are nice in SC, and bike riding was appealing, but now he doesn’t leave the house unless to walk the dog with his mobile scooter.
I hope you're connected to some other people in SC so you're not alone with caregiving. It will be good to be within driving distance of your daughter back in Maine.
Just to say that this post filled me with vicarious dread. Have not moved in 46 years and assumed we never would, but now realize this may not be feasible. The very thought is paralyzing. Good luck!
Where have you been living for 46 years? It must be charming. Is the change in your understanding of where you'll be going forward about climbing stairs and so on?
Indeed. The older we get the harder it is to move! So the sooner the better is what I've said to friends just contemplating the idea. When we moved from the city to the island, we decided we weren't "downsizing" at all, just re-locating. With no big decisions on stuff, we brought a lot of it with us to be sorted out later. That took a lot of pressure off from the whole "life review" aspect of moving house. And made it easier to let go of what we didn't need for the future! Good luck on your big move!
Love the reference to "live review." No wonder it's so hard. When you're just going from one day to another in a house you've been in for years, the past recedes and comes into focus from time to time. But this is a parade of people and events just sort of rushing at me. I used to suggest to some of the people I sat with in Hospice that they see themselves floating downstream on a raft with their loved ones on either shore. Maybe I can capture the feeling of that.
At this stage in my life I am trying to keep mostly what my children would want to have. I cleaned out my father's house and more recently my mother in laws following their deaths. Two very different people but the same amount of stuff nobody needs. I don't want my children to be faced with that. We have many refugee families moving to our city. They start with nothing. I am trying to pare down and help others start again. But it is not easy. I wish you well Susie and I am full of admiration for your new adventure.
It's beautiful that you've identified a need for your "old stuff." I wonder what fills you with admiration about my slogging along. Don't quite get it, but really appreciate what you've written in support of this time in my life.
Leave plenty for the complexity of emotions that arise, and if possible, welcome them all. We have just moved, as you know, and I found myself grieving intently for about 3 months, as we readied ourselves to leave our home of 24 years. Also it is possible that for a while you will feel a "titch" of chaos and disorientation in your 2 new homes, along with your joy. You are very brave, and it is wonderful that you and Frank will be living close to your sons.
What form did the grieving take? I'm just so surprised by the fatigue.
I am grateful that I can cry easily, so lots of tears, and lots of writing about leaving our home that we loved so much. And fatigue, yes. Talking a lot with Alan about the move, the unknown ahead of us. And once here, 3 months in, we are thrilled with this home. Happily.
Get rid of everything that won’t work in new places (like dark wood furniture when we moved to FL). New spaces will fill up quickly enough. It’s very liberating to let go of “things “, even books. People are harder, but there are so many ways to keep in touch now. This is easier when working against deadline. Keeps one focused. All the best wishes and enjoy the ride!
Interesting to think about styles of furniture that might or might not work. The condo we bought is much more modern than our old barn in Stockbridge. I'm sort of looking forward to that.
Yes! I think I did learn resilience and openness! Good to reminded of that! Will you keep seventy something going? Hope so!
Absolutely. seventysomething is a wonderful way to stay connected.
Do it piecemeal. Start with the big items: decide which furniture you want to keep and which pieces to donate. Be realistic about what will fit in your new home as well as what you can afford to replace. I’d do the most emotionally-provocative items such as personal gifts and souvenirs last. I just boxed all my photos and brought them with me to save time. Invite selected friends and family members to help triage the wheat from the chaff if that will work for you. My kids don’t live nearby so I wound up texting them pictures to see what they might want me to save for them. There will be pain but also joy in the process: honor the move for the milestone it is. I have never regretted anything I left behind so I know I made the right choices.
Thanks, Barbara. We're moving in about a month so we're ankle deep in sentiment. I went through a big pile of photos and found that many of the people in them - contemporaries of mine - were no longer alive.
I spent the day yesterday with family, before and after a cousin's funeral. The deceased lived a long, happy life and we spent hours recalling our disparate, often hilarious, memories of him. It was a sad-happy day but more happy than not. No one captured it better than Tennessee Williams: “Time is short and it doesn't return again. It is slipping away while I write this and while you read it, and the monosyllable of the clock is Loss, Loss, Loss, unless you devote your heart to its opposition.”
Susie! I moved eleven times before I started high school. Most of my life, I would never put up anything on the walls or feel I could really settle in because I felt I’d be moving again soon!
I’ve lived in the Berkshires now for:twenty years and it does feel more like home than anywhere else!
I’m hoping you’re not moving out of the Berkshires! Let me know. Best to you! Tara
Tara....That's such a different life experience from mine. I lived in the same NYC apartment into my 20s. I imagine your experience teaches you a lot about resilience and openness. I'm afraid we are moving away to be near our sons and grandchildren. We felt it was time. Bought a condo near my son in the Twin Cities metro for summer and fall. Will live in a converted barn on Frank's son's property in northern California in the winter and spring. Come to IWOW at Deb's on 9/6 so we can see each other!
Susie! I will be out of town on 9/6!
Having moved more often than I ever would have expected, and lived in different parts of the country with different landscapes and different habits of thought, I recommend keeping as much favorite artwork as you can, especially pieces that will keep the place you're leaving close to your senses, in memory. Get rid of a lot of stuff, even books if you have a ton of them.
Excellent advice re artwork. Books are a roadblock. I thought I had gotten rid of a lot of them, but now that I'm packing, it's disheartening. Paper is also a big problem. I think this is a particular issue for our age cohort. Most of my life unfolded in analog. Once you throw it away, it's gone.
Yes, books and paper are challenging. I used to keep snail mail from friends I corresponded with - have gotten rid of most of that but kept a letter or two, here and there, just so I have a scrap of the person's handwriting. I never read those letters anymore so there was no reason to hang onto all of them. Same with books. When I had numerous books by one author or poet, I kept one or two, to keep the voice. My husband has done pretty well at weeding books too. Where we live now, there's a LIttle Free Library nearby so we continue to weed, since we still buy new books for our limited amount of shelving.
I keep everything in my mother's spencerian script.