Susie, I need to print this out so I can return to it every day. Last year (my 78th) I started feeling OLD. Fell on the ice a couple of times, noticed that I wasn’t as sturdy as I had always felt, encountering issues with my eyes, my ears, my feet and hands. Still, I’m so much better off than my bedridden friend and my other friend who is so unhappy in a retirement center. I do what I can for them and for my developmentally disabled son, but I’m also working to minimize my commitments so that I can conserve my energy and my mental health for the things I really want to do, and to take care of myself. It’s a constant struggle, isn’t it?
I really appreciate hearing from you, Kathleen. I'm focused at the moment on feeling free to express my concerns about aging in print and in my personal life while at the same time staying in touch with my gratitude for life. It's not either/or. It's both/and. I think your comment reflects that when you say you are aware of needing to conserve your energy and mental health for the things you really want to do. There ARE things you really want to do. At the same time, you are blessed and sometimes burdened with a great heart. It's a constant balancing act and a struggle to have the compassion for oneself that one has for others.
Aging--oh dear--at 89, I am now an old lady who has fallen twice recently, sleeps more than I used to, forgets words frequently and is still trying to get used to a body that can no longer be relied on. It's a life change that nothing prepares you for. I'd like to be accepting, grateful for the preciousness of days, but I can't say I love sitting around on the couch with my leg up so it will heal from the last fall and wondering how to stay regular, etc. etc. Loved your article.
Sorry about your leg and your various falls. I felt that it was important to tell it like it is about aging. I'm searching for the sweet spot between pretending that this isn't happening and dwelling on it to the exclusion of all delight. I guess the proportions vary with the days you are counting.
This is so beautiful, Susie, and so relatable! I'm turning 80 in a few weeks and can't believe I've arrived here. I say you don't have to worry about mental decline when you can write this movingly. And, I'm glad you know what brings you back and always has--the natural world.
As always, thank you. Geese and goldenrods and reddening sumac and inner and outer fog and us old farts. Sending you, via Agingspeak, recognition and love. La
Susie, I’m only now getting to this essay, but so glad I found it. Your comment about how people laugh at the memory impaired as they never would allow themselves to with any other disability was powerful for me… as I begin to watch that voice in my head doing the same thing to myself.
I’m looking to be gracefully accepting what comes stealthily, but consistently like to the steady beat of a distant drum. Many times a day I notice changes that can alarm me. I will be 67 on Saturday. Not so old, and yet. But just as the geese did in your essay, I have found these in-the-moment miracles of nature and my own heart the saving grace. And they do save me, and daily, to borrow from Mary Oliver.
Very glad to hear from you, Mary. We are in uncharted waters. In the past, people did not usually live as long as many in our generation now do and with long life comes the possibility of cognitive/memory decline. As I wrote in the essay, I now notice broad areas of blankness where previously I would just be hung up on a specific fact that I couldn't recall. I sometimes feel like there's an abyss in consciousness that I've fallen into. As you say, it can be alarming. My intuition tells me that, like everything else, this kind of challenge is best met in common. Please write to me with your worries about memory and I'll write to you as well. Maybe this will lessen the anxiety and feeling of isolation for us both..
Thank you for sharing, Susie. Simply beautiful and honest. My first read this morning and I know your writing will stay with me as I go about my day. They’re so powerful.
Dear Susie, The beginning of your piece here reminds me so much of a wonderful book I just finished reading by Margaret Laurence, well-known Canadian author, called The Stone Angel, written in the voice of a very fiesty, bitter, funny, irascible and ultimately courageous and loveable old woman. I think you might love it. I also wanted to mention for you and any other readers who are concerned about the possibility of serious cognitive decline to check out an organization called the Dementia Action Alliance, which is devoted to supporting people to live WELL with dementia. It IS possible, despite society's typical knee-jerk reaction of horror and fear to that word. Getting help sooner rather than later is key. Check out https://daanow.org and the amazing resource they offer (it can be downloaded or you can order a bound copy for $38) called Pathways to Well-being with Dementia) Also, in collaboration with some folks from the Dementia Action Alliance, I put together a couple of handouts which I can email to you if you are interested - one is on "Strategies for Preventing and Managing Dementia" and the other is called, "I've just been Diagnosed with Dementia - Now What?" As you may or may not know from our friend Rosemary, I have been in the field of Dementia Care for over 20 years. I live in Saint Paul. I am currently writing a book about what I have learned from people living with dementia. And yes of course I am also concerned about the possibility of my own cognitive decline. I get distracted, I forget things. I am comforted by the fact that there seems to be more hope out there than ever before. I am currently memorizing lots of Shakespeare which make me feel very powerful! It's all such a mixed bag at this older age. May we have the grace to recognize what's what and get the help and support we need when we need it. A diagnosis of dementia is not a death sentence. Okay, I am rambling for sure, now, but there you have it.
Thank you very much, Mary Sue. I need to take this one step at a time but I like the idea of the handouts you've put together. Are they hard copy or digital? If the latter, I look forward to getting them at seventysomething9@gmail.com. If you email me, I can provide my snail mail address if needed.
As Mary Oliver writes in the conclusion to her poem “Wild Geese:” Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the World offers herself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting, announcing your place in the family of things.
This is the only poem I’ve ever memorized. It’s my only prayer.
"How fortunate I have been to be led by the nose out of the canyons of Manhattan into the great world where I have been welcomed by a thousand beings beyond language." A truth....
I recently read, "there is literally nothing in nature that blooms all year long, so do not expect yourself to do so." I needed to hear that. I need to remember that. Our creativity, and our voice, comes in waves and changes with the seasons (of the year and of our lives). I do hope you feel better, more energized, if that is what you wish for as well. In the meantime, may you enjoy the rest.
I was trying to send you an email from Ashton Applewhite, a crusader against ageism. I know that your email of today isn’t about ageism per se; it’s your personal reflection about YOUR aging. Still, if you haven’t encountered Ashton, a strong author, and since I can’t forward to you her most reason email against ageism, you may want to check her out at ashton@thischairrocks.com.
Thanks, Fran. I actually do know Ashton's work. An in an amusing aside, she's married to a guy I went to elementary school with. There are moments when it seems the world has gotten very small indeed.
Susie, I need to print this out so I can return to it every day. Last year (my 78th) I started feeling OLD. Fell on the ice a couple of times, noticed that I wasn’t as sturdy as I had always felt, encountering issues with my eyes, my ears, my feet and hands. Still, I’m so much better off than my bedridden friend and my other friend who is so unhappy in a retirement center. I do what I can for them and for my developmentally disabled son, but I’m also working to minimize my commitments so that I can conserve my energy and my mental health for the things I really want to do, and to take care of myself. It’s a constant struggle, isn’t it?
I really appreciate hearing from you, Kathleen. I'm focused at the moment on feeling free to express my concerns about aging in print and in my personal life while at the same time staying in touch with my gratitude for life. It's not either/or. It's both/and. I think your comment reflects that when you say you are aware of needing to conserve your energy and mental health for the things you really want to do. There ARE things you really want to do. At the same time, you are blessed and sometimes burdened with a great heart. It's a constant balancing act and a struggle to have the compassion for oneself that one has for others.
This is so true. Your willingness to write about it so openly gives me hope.
Aging--oh dear--at 89, I am now an old lady who has fallen twice recently, sleeps more than I used to, forgets words frequently and is still trying to get used to a body that can no longer be relied on. It's a life change that nothing prepares you for. I'd like to be accepting, grateful for the preciousness of days, but I can't say I love sitting around on the couch with my leg up so it will heal from the last fall and wondering how to stay regular, etc. etc. Loved your article.
Sorry about your leg and your various falls. I felt that it was important to tell it like it is about aging. I'm searching for the sweet spot between pretending that this isn't happening and dwelling on it to the exclusion of all delight. I guess the proportions vary with the days you are counting.
This is so beautiful, Susie, and so relatable! I'm turning 80 in a few weeks and can't believe I've arrived here. I say you don't have to worry about mental decline when you can write this movingly. And, I'm glad you know what brings you back and always has--the natural world.
Thank you, Sue. As a native of the city, I came to that knowledge late in life. So grateful.
Susie, You may be feeling foggier, but you can sure still write! Warmth to you, Jan
Much appreciated, Jan. It's my lifeblood.
As always, thank you. Geese and goldenrods and reddening sumac and inner and outer fog and us old farts. Sending you, via Agingspeak, recognition and love. La
What a beautiful, appreciative response, Linda. Saying these things out loud is powerful.
Susie, I’m only now getting to this essay, but so glad I found it. Your comment about how people laugh at the memory impaired as they never would allow themselves to with any other disability was powerful for me… as I begin to watch that voice in my head doing the same thing to myself.
I’m looking to be gracefully accepting what comes stealthily, but consistently like to the steady beat of a distant drum. Many times a day I notice changes that can alarm me. I will be 67 on Saturday. Not so old, and yet. But just as the geese did in your essay, I have found these in-the-moment miracles of nature and my own heart the saving grace. And they do save me, and daily, to borrow from Mary Oliver.
Thank you, Susie.
Very glad to hear from you, Mary. We are in uncharted waters. In the past, people did not usually live as long as many in our generation now do and with long life comes the possibility of cognitive/memory decline. As I wrote in the essay, I now notice broad areas of blankness where previously I would just be hung up on a specific fact that I couldn't recall. I sometimes feel like there's an abyss in consciousness that I've fallen into. As you say, it can be alarming. My intuition tells me that, like everything else, this kind of challenge is best met in common. Please write to me with your worries about memory and I'll write to you as well. Maybe this will lessen the anxiety and feeling of isolation for us both..
Thank you for sharing, Susie. Simply beautiful and honest. My first read this morning and I know your writing will stay with me as I go about my day. They’re so powerful.
Thank you for sharing, Susie. Simply beautiful and honest. My first read this morning and I know your words will stay m
Thank you, Stella. I feels like a final frontier subject.
Dear Susie, The beginning of your piece here reminds me so much of a wonderful book I just finished reading by Margaret Laurence, well-known Canadian author, called The Stone Angel, written in the voice of a very fiesty, bitter, funny, irascible and ultimately courageous and loveable old woman. I think you might love it. I also wanted to mention for you and any other readers who are concerned about the possibility of serious cognitive decline to check out an organization called the Dementia Action Alliance, which is devoted to supporting people to live WELL with dementia. It IS possible, despite society's typical knee-jerk reaction of horror and fear to that word. Getting help sooner rather than later is key. Check out https://daanow.org and the amazing resource they offer (it can be downloaded or you can order a bound copy for $38) called Pathways to Well-being with Dementia) Also, in collaboration with some folks from the Dementia Action Alliance, I put together a couple of handouts which I can email to you if you are interested - one is on "Strategies for Preventing and Managing Dementia" and the other is called, "I've just been Diagnosed with Dementia - Now What?" As you may or may not know from our friend Rosemary, I have been in the field of Dementia Care for over 20 years. I live in Saint Paul. I am currently writing a book about what I have learned from people living with dementia. And yes of course I am also concerned about the possibility of my own cognitive decline. I get distracted, I forget things. I am comforted by the fact that there seems to be more hope out there than ever before. I am currently memorizing lots of Shakespeare which make me feel very powerful! It's all such a mixed bag at this older age. May we have the grace to recognize what's what and get the help and support we need when we need it. A diagnosis of dementia is not a death sentence. Okay, I am rambling for sure, now, but there you have it.
Thank you very much, Mary Sue. I need to take this one step at a time but I like the idea of the handouts you've put together. Are they hard copy or digital? If the latter, I look forward to getting them at seventysomething9@gmail.com. If you email me, I can provide my snail mail address if needed.
Of course. I will send the handouts to your email.
As Mary Oliver writes in the conclusion to her poem “Wild Geese:” Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the World offers herself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting, announcing your place in the family of things.
This is the only poem I’ve ever memorized. It’s my only prayer.
So beautiful, Susie……..I get it……….keep writing!
Patty! I'm so pleased to hear from you. Hoping you are in good health and bringing your love and blessings out into the world.
"How fortunate I have been to be led by the nose out of the canyons of Manhattan into the great world where I have been welcomed by a thousand beings beyond language." A truth....
Good to hear from you, Mary
I recently read, "there is literally nothing in nature that blooms all year long, so do not expect yourself to do so." I needed to hear that. I need to remember that. Our creativity, and our voice, comes in waves and changes with the seasons (of the year and of our lives). I do hope you feel better, more energized, if that is what you wish for as well. In the meantime, may you enjoy the rest.
That's a new formulation for me. I'm going to try to practice with it.
Saved by the geese! How wonderful. I’ll never cuss them again.
This was my secret intention, Bryan. I know they make a mess, but aren't they wonderful!
I was trying to send you an email from Ashton Applewhite, a crusader against ageism. I know that your email of today isn’t about ageism per se; it’s your personal reflection about YOUR aging. Still, if you haven’t encountered Ashton, a strong author, and since I can’t forward to you her most reason email against ageism, you may want to check her out at ashton@thischairrocks.com.
Thanks, Fran. I actually do know Ashton's work. An in an amusing aside, she's married to a guy I went to elementary school with. There are moments when it seems the world has gotten very small indeed.
So beautifully said! You are a precious gift!
❤️Marti
Hi Marti! Isn't it wonderful that we are all different and differently gifted?