37 Comments
User's avatar
Three Score and More's avatar

I find comfort in the wistfulness you so beautifully describe. It’s like taking a cherished memory out of the vault with all dimensions - sight, sound, tactile, taste - even the ice cream bell - and dusting it off to recall a pleasant time. And grandchildren talking about stuff we don’t have the words for? Thank goodness they do! It’s the world they’ll navigate.

Expand full comment
Selene's avatar

Beautiful, this touched me deeply.

Expand full comment
Susie Kaufman's avatar

It's a new feeling for me. Worth exploring, I think.

Expand full comment
Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph. D.'s avatar

This is gorgeous and yummy too!! I am grateful to my friend Jeri for sending it my way!

Expand full comment
Susie Kaufman's avatar

Glad you've joined us, Gloria. We all benefit from stories.

Expand full comment
Jeri Greenberg's avatar

Dear Susie,

You left me speechless with this essay. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts; they hit home with me.

Warmly,

Jeri Greenberg

Expand full comment
Susie Kaufman's avatar

Thank you, Jeri. I was taken by surprise by wistfulness. It was as if my entire organism was being called to confront impermanence.

Expand full comment
JA Sauvageau's avatar

Really beautiful, poignant writing. Thank you.

Expand full comment
Susie Kaufman's avatar

Thank you so much. This piece seems to have touched a nerve.

Expand full comment
Ann Richardson's avatar

Beautifully written.

My father always said he didn't mind getting old, but he minded having middle aged children. He always claimed I was 31. Teenage grandchildren – especially those close to 20 as one of mine is and already at university – is part of the same feeling.

And by the way, we had a real Good Humour truck over on East 86th street. Mint chocolate chip ice cream remains my sovereign remedy for many of life's ills. Much better than alcohol.

Expand full comment
Susie Kaufman's avatar

It's not that I mind, strictly speaking. It's just I miss the other people they were when they were little boys.

Expand full comment
Ann Richardson's avatar

I know what you mean, but older kids are fun too. You might enjoy this - about how my 15 year old grandson introduced the views of Attila the Hun into our discussions of American politics https://arichardson.substack.com/p/my-household-smerconish-and-attila-557

Expand full comment
Sue Gurland's avatar

Every time you mention Schrafft's it take me back to sitting there with my aunt after school--she lived on 86th st and taught nearby--when I was visiting. I think I also had a hot fudge sundae. There was also a bakery around the corner--can't remember the name--where we'd get Charlotte Russes, eclairs and 7-layer cake--the best. Love the nostalgia for the UWS.

Expand full comment
Susie Kaufman's avatar

I seem to be obsessed with Schrafft's. For my 70th birthday (so long ago!) my son gave me an original menu from some ephemera shop. When you say the bakery was around the corner, do you mean not on Broadway? There was one called Eclair that I think was on 72nd.

Expand full comment
Sue Gurland's avatar

Not on broadway. They had pink boxes tied with string and I think Babka. I'd know it if I hear it. May have been a chain, too. I think you mentioned it in one of your essays.

Expand full comment
Susie Kaufman's avatar

There actually was a bakery called Babka.

Expand full comment
Sue Gurland's avatar

Maybe...

Expand full comment
Isabella Mindak's avatar

This writing is lovely. I could feel your "wistfullness" in the way you expressed yourself through your memories and wishes. Thanks for sharing.

Expand full comment
Susie Kaufman's avatar

Much appreciated, Isabella. Thanks for taking the time to read my work.

Expand full comment
Janet's avatar

This was a beautiful essay. Sad, wistful, but filled with wonderful,happy memories

Expand full comment
Susie Kaufman's avatar

Thank you, Janet. The older I get the more the sad and the joyous get mixed together.

Expand full comment
Jinks Hoffmann's avatar

Beautiful and poignant, Susie. I am also absolutely compelled by the passage of time, and in a sense, I'm grateful for that. It helps me cherish the present EVEN more deeply.

Expand full comment
Susie Kaufman's avatar

There's such a richness in that, isn't there? Really being aware of the present and watching it fly by.

Expand full comment
RACHAEL’S REFLECTIONS AT 85's avatar

Oh, Susie - the wistfulness brings tears. I too selfishly don't want the grandchildren to grow up, but they already have. The best I can hope for now is that we share THEIR memories of "cooking stone pancakes on the big rock in the front yard," "racing alone down the driveway and looking up so I can call her 'the winner'", "listening to him chanting his bar mitzvah prayers in the car as I drive him to Hebrew School," "playing cards with them, and wondering if I should 'let' them win, but then I don't and they don't even mind losing to their granny;" and finally "reading to them all because they can't yet read, but their eyes are bright with the excitement of the story, though we've already read it dozens of times"... Oh, Susie, there is nothing so sweetly sad" - is that what wistful means? - than being a grandmother! Thank you for melting the sweet sticky stuff that fills my heart.

Expand full comment
Susie Kaufman's avatar

So appreciate share this with you, Rachael. It seems to be in the nature of wistful that it's hard to say what it means. I always feel like the deepest experiences are beyond word.

Expand full comment
Rita C's avatar

Wistfulness… i finally have the word for those feelings that seem to appear more often these days, as if from nowhere.

‘A contemplative state that remains fuzzy at the margins’

- as the shortening of time here on earth becomes more palpable.

Another great piece Susie. Thank you.

Expand full comment
Susie Kaufman's avatar

It's good to write about and share this place but it also seems to be important to recognize its slipperiness. You can't pin it down.

Expand full comment
Mary Russell's avatar

Well said --about a subject that can often feel like the elephant in the room, at least in my 89+ age group.

Expand full comment
Susie Kaufman's avatar

Mary....Do you mean that people are uncomfortable talking about missing people who are sitting across from them in an ice cream parlor? It's such a strange feeling.

Expand full comment
Mary Russell's avatar

You brought up the feelings that we experience at the end of our living. We won't be around to see the continued lives of those we love. Hard fact. Mortality is that fact. And I think that is the stuff with which I grapple now.

Expand full comment
Susie Kaufman's avatar

It's such a relief to speak about mortality out loud. I may be wrong, but I don't think that was considered to be in good taste in our parents' generation.

Expand full comment
Mary Russell's avatar

For some not in good taste; for others fear that speaking of it would confirm the reality. Much of that exists (still) today. I am with you on this. It is a relief to speak of it out loud. And you did that.

Expand full comment
Susie Kaufman's avatar

I see what you mean. If you don't speak of death, death won't come.

Expand full comment
Max Power's avatar

Well said! As our youngest (twins) look forward to their second year in university--both studying some aspect of business and finance, we look back fondly on the photos OneDrive sends daily. Today's included a visit to the zoo (Portland OR) when they were five.

Expand full comment
Susie Kaufman's avatar

We have a different version of the photo service with pictures of the Minnesota and California families. It started in the Berkshires when everyone was far away. The trick seems to be cultivating an appreciation for them that you don't feel compelled to clutch tightly.

Expand full comment
Anna C Rumin's avatar

Gorgeous. Just gorgeous.

Expand full comment
Susie Kaufman's avatar

Very kind of you.

Expand full comment