23 Comments
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Kinneret Haimes's avatar

Beautiful and poignant!

Susie Kaufman's avatar

Thank you, Kinneret. Witnessing loss in community is continuous with celebrating joy.

Roberta Gale's avatar

I had to admit I laughed out loud at the last part of this because it's so true! "It is my nature, as the Buddhists say, to get old, to get sick, and to die, but I’m not always up for it."

As we age, we're not always up for it, that's for sure. I'm a little behind you at 69, and if you ever want to check out my humorous Substack on Aging, Pushing 70 Without Flooring It, I would welcome you with open, sagging arms. May the memory of those you loved and lost be a blessing.

Susie Kaufman's avatar

Thanks for the invitation, Roberta. I have subscribed.

Linda  VanHaverbeke's avatar

So many of my trips in the last few years have been goodbyes in some way. I welcome a hello with you when both our schedules bring us to Minneapolis. I always cherish the in person encounter.

Susie Kaufman's avatar

That would be a delight, Linda. I'm here through the end of the year. Thanks for reading my work.

Lee Buchanan's avatar

beautiful writing -- particularly that last sentence!

Susie Kaufman's avatar

Thank you, Lee. Sometimes I worry that I overdo the metaphor but I'm glad this landed in the right place for you.

Avivah Wittenberg-Cox's avatar

‘ I felt like I was being led around with a bag over my head like a prisoner at Abu Graib’

Seriously?

Sorry Susie, that’s a horrific use of the horrific. You have no idea what that was like. I hope none of us ever do. Don’t minimize it.

Susie Kaufman's avatar

Sorry to offend. I meant that I felt deafened and blinded and separated from my life.

Linda Kaye-Moses's avatar

Welcome to Octocgenaria. I am here, too, just in a different time zone. You're in good company, though, because I am here. Come visit, when your wings grow back. I am here, in The Shires, with a guest/sisterfriend room waiting for you. many hugs

Susie Kaufman's avatar

That's very kind of you, Linda. I remember an outdoor funeral in Great Barrington shortly before I moved that felt like a commencement ceremony. The entire community was there. How wonderful that was for Diana.

Rita C's avatar

I relate to so much of what you shared Susie! The scarves, and the now too small outfits, gifts from Mother that resist trips to the Thrift store every spring cleaning session (how could i get rid of them ? They are tangible reminders of her).

When she fell mortally ill eight years ago, i was still flying transatlantically and did not reach her in time. I just stood witness in front of her body. She looked very peaceful. Good memories of us helped me traverse the unbearable void, and thoughts that, some day, our spirits will rejoin.

And, similarly to your upcoming experience, I attended a virtual memorial for a friend who died just recently. Fortunately they offered such for those who, like me, couldn’t drive a long distance.

May your brother in law rest in peace🙏

And finally, my septuagenarian years are bearers of easily strained ligaments, diminishing eyesight, etc. What next??

Your writings over time are very helpful in infusing hope to us out here tethering on both despair and hope. This too shall pass dear Susie. 🙏🤗

Susie Kaufman's avatar

There is comfort in sharing the experience of aging and loss. Thanks for being there with me, Rita.

Jinks Hoffmann's avatar

What a meditation this one is, dear Susie. Like me, many of my cohort and the people I work with are OLD, and are talking about declining, and fear, and terror at disappearing before dying. Your writing is an invitation to me to go "in" to our shared reality with eyes and heart wide open.

As always, I love your vulnerability and truth-telling.

Susie Kaufman's avatar

Dear Jinks.....It's not the aging and dying that I find frightening, not even the disappearing. It's the aloneness. This piece was a scream in support of communal ritual. Much love...SK

Carol Sandberg's avatar

Yes. Yes to everything you wrote. Thank you for eloquently sharing.

Susie Kaufman's avatar

So glad it reached you, Carol.

Jinks Hoffmann's avatar

Thank you for clarifying, dear Susie

Andi's avatar

Hi Susie, your story meant so much to me today! A very beautiful writing! Thank you! ❤️

Susie Kaufman's avatar

I treasure your response, Andi. We have to take a stand on the dehumanization of ritual.

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Nov 5
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Susie Kaufman's avatar

That's a wondrous coincidence, Rachael. Wishing you all joy on your birthday. Much love, SK