Becoming

A Many Voices guest post by Betsy McTiernan

Reading has been a lifelong habit. The day in second grade that I realized I could read on my own is my independence day. And the gift I appreciate most about reading is the space it gives me to confront my fears, denials and prejudices. When reading, I have the privacy I need to face what I truly feel and think. And I grow. In the Fall of 1968, as a senior in college, I read The Autobiography of Malcolm X. Though I no longer remember much about the book, I do remember what I felt as I read: sad, angry, uncomfortable, guilty, so many conflicting emotions.  I knew civil rights demonstrators had been attacked, beaten and killed, but knowing this didn’t bring me into their hearts and minds the way reading the thoughts and feelings of Malcom X did. His words were harsh and unforgiving, and they made sense to me. His analysis of systemic racism and his characterization of white complicity got under my skin. I had to stop reading countless times to explore my impulse to defend myself and to rationalize his charges. This process of reflection and self-examination came to influence my life in ways I never could have imagined.